Sound expert Julian Treasure opened the meeting with his presentation ‘How to speak so that people want to listen’.  I listened with intent so that I could learn as much as possible to share with our wonderful group of clients and professional partners. However, a certain sadness came over me – how was it that the main keynote speaker was standing in front of so many financial advisers teaching this life-changing skill: that, in order to be heard, we must change the way we speak.

Don’t people listen? It would appear not!

After nearly 25 years in financial services, I think the one skill I wish fuelled our profession much more than it does is the art of listening.

This seems so simple, so basic and so obvious, but frequently – even in the conversations I have with planners, their teams and often their clients – while the desire to listen is strong, the ability to understand is sadly not.

I think if we are honest, most of us, really only listen for words that trigger in us some form of action, whether that be action to respond, action to advise or action to fix. But that’s not the real reason we need to listen. Our words and the words of others are extremely powerful: they are a window into our hearts, our souls and, ultimately, our lives.

Personally, I am always fascinated by what’s not said. The words and statements that are missing from sentences, absent from stories and left out of conversations – this is where I believe the magic of true listening lies.

Here is some key takeaways

1. Pay attention to what is being said

When someone is talking, pay attention, remove all possible distractions, lose the devices, the laptops and the screens, make eye contact, engage with the person – and listen. Listen so hard that if there were a test asking you to repeat what that person said word for word, you would pass with flying colours.

2. Hear the words that are not being said

We often listen at a heightened level – a level that allows us to get the main points of what is being said – but at times the choice of words, and the words that are missing, hold the key to what is really going on.

A friend recently told me that her husband has given up everything for her and the children. Now, in the context of what we were talking about, the sentence could appear to be true – factually accurate in her mind, and most people would have no reason to question what was being said.

I wasn’t happy with the words she chose. While that statement may have been true, I knew that the choice of words and the context in which they were said were the key to unlocking many limiting beliefs that I believed were preventing her from moving forward with a fulfilled, happy life.

I think if we are honest, most of us, really only listen for words that trigger in us some form of action

3. Be brave

If you hear something that you feel uneasy about, question it. If you hear something that you don’t believe is true, question it. If you hear something that doesn’t make sense to you, question it.

Remember the statement ‘seek to understand before being understood’. In order to show that you’re truly listening, ask questions – not just easy questions, but the hard questions, the kind that might open up a can of worms.

Ask, even if some of the questions make you feel a little bit uncomfortable. When you’re brave, amazing things happen, for you and others around you.

4. Recognise your own frames of reference

Life is likely to be tricky for you at times, just as it can be for others. Look at your own journey – every step of the way has played a part in forming your own beliefs, your own set of values, your own opinions about how things should, and shouldn’t, be.

While I know it would never be your intention to impose any of your beliefs or opinions on others, unfortunately it’s something that cannot be helped. The truth is, there’s very little we can do about our own hardwiring, but what we can do is be aware that we carry it around with us all of the time.

By putting your own life’s challenges to one side and focusing solely on the person and situation in front of you, you will be perfectly placed to help some of the most important people in your life navigate the challenges facing them.

So my question for you is: do you have the skills that you need in order to support those around you with the everyday challenges they are facing?